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Each one of us carries the picture of a perfect mother we are longing for in our hearts. When a woman becomes a mother this picture is set as an ideal and she wants to pursue it at any cost. A perfect mother is patient, smiling and loves playing with her kids and motherhood ALWAYS makes her happy. No wonder that such an idealized image has caused the rebellion. For this reason for the recent years in the Polish and world's blogosphere a completely different picture of a mother can be seen: frustrated, tired of motherhood, ignoring the rules of keeping kids away from a TV and trying to get as much “my time” as possible.
The reality is much more complex. Mother’s life couldn't be further for being black&white. It is a collage of at least 100 colours. “Sometimes sun, sometimes rain” - it’s a metaphor describing accurately a mother’s everyday life. Unfortunately, for some moms, there is more rain. Sometimes it’s not actually raining. They experience
Each one of us carries the picture of a perfect mother we are longing for in our hearts. When a woman becomes a mother this picture is set as an ideal and she wants to pursue it at any cost. A perfect mother is patient, smiling and loves playing with her kids and motherhood ALWAYS makes her happy. No wonder that such an idealized image has caused the rebellion. For this reason for the recent years in the Polish and world's blogosphere a completely different picture of a mother can bee seen: frustrated, tired of motherhood, ignoring the rules of keeping kids away from TV and trying to get as much “my time” as possible.
The reality is much more complex. Mother’s life couldn't be further for being black&white. It is a collage of at least 100 colours. “Sometimes sun, sometimes rain” - it’s a metaphor describing accurately a mother’s everyday life. Unfortunately, for some moms, there is more rain. Sometimes it’s not actually raining. They experience a grey foggy autumnal days with no glimmer of sunshine. It is worth remembering that almost 50% of women have such a depressed mood. It is not, however, a disturbing state - more indicative of needs that have been moved away and perished in the daily routine. Statistics show that the most important factor in improving the well-being of mothers is the contact with other women in a similar situation. It could be a walk, finding a group of parents, coffee with friends - all activities are accessible and very helpful. In many cities, there are, for example, babywearing meetings. Those are great opportunities to meet and talk about your parental experience. If you feel that everyday routine overwhelms you, try to break it. You can start with very little things which make you happy. And don’t be surprised that sometimes being fully dressed before 10 AM is a challenge.
The everyday reality can be so overwhelming that we are not able to see the sun anymore. It’s a moment to act and seek professional help, especially if depressed mood lasts longer than a month. You can answer questions in the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (you can find it online with the key) - if the results of the test are alarming, it is a good idea to see a specialist (this may be a psychiatrist, a family doctor or a psychologist specializing in working with depressed people). The sooner, the better! The consultation doesn’t have to end with a medication prescription. Maybe you just need to talk to a professional and monitor your health. It is worth to know that there are antidepressants that can be taken while breastfeeding.
It’s important to cherish and follow the perfect image of a parent. Our children are worth it.
But never forget Bruno Bettelheim's quote “The Good Enough Parent is the Best parent”!
The author of this post is Jagoda Kędzierska, pedagogue. Thank you!